people cheat, and for sure we know how bad it is to cheat. but we always avoid talking about that topic. Maybe because it’s a shameful behavior, yet everyone nowadays does it as a normal thing, for whatever the reasons that we come up with.
Why People Cheat? or why i used to cheat?
A question That comes to my mind very often, I couldn’t find a proper explanation till I met
The”wise man”
At some point, I started to work for this company which I wasn’t really happy about, -well I kind had no other choice-
I have started working with this man, he was in his 50th. Yet he lived free like a bird.
he got divorced twice, but he have always kept a good connection with his ex wife’s.
Even though he lived just for learning and finding new life experiences. The Wise man, loved traveling the world. sometimes for work and other time just for his desire to learn. He was as simple as a dot, nothing fancy nothing crazy just a simple humble man.
nothing bothers him that much, but when it happens he finds his own ways to liberate himself from the negative thoughts. At some point he got too deep into NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).
And that was one of the reasons why I got into it too. it is an interesting science, helped to open my eyes for many things, But more about that later.
One of the long interesting talks i had with the wise man started with a question.
One morning he came to my office “let’s have a coffee outside at the coffee tower, I have a question for you” he said, and so we did.
Can you tell me why people cheat? He asked.
Me: I really don’t know, still after all these years, after all what I have done. I still don’t know exactly why?
Wise Man: try to find an answer for that, or give me some assumptions.
Me: maybe because people are not happy with their partners, maybe it just happens as a mistake, maybe no one is really committed, or maybe it’s just the way relationship is those days. the temptation gets higher and higher each day.
The conversation kept going for a while until he came up with this
Wise Man: Cheating and loyalty are like two different cars
Cheating is that fastest shining Ferrari car, loyalty is a nice stable car, let’s say one of those new family cars. It has all the options, comfortable and safe.
We all want to be safe and comfortable most of the time, but every now and then we would think, what if I go for a Ferrari for a small ride.
It seems exciting. It’s a fast car so I wouldn’t feel the time, and nothing bad could happen.
So One day when you are fed up from your comfortable car. you are fed up from its safety, from its annoying problems every now and then, fixing this fixing that.
Then you’ll go pick up the Ferrari keys , and you’ll start driving, enjoying the ride and forgetting everything else. nothing matters at that point.
Then you’ll start feeling free while knowing that in the end, you’ll have your safe comfortable car parked under your house. so you’ll not think too much about it, and you’ll keep driving as fast as you can.
This ride will excite you, interest you, attract you, so you will start telling yourself “it just for now”.
At that moment you are so blind, you’ll be forgetting that you might lose control and bam everything will be gone in seconds.
The wise man follows up with this:
See cheating is exciting for some people, attracting them to do it, and nowadays when you see it happening. it gives you that thought “why not to give it a try” If everyone does it, Shouldn’t I ?
and some people will just get stuck into the normal safe car even if they know it’s not for them. but they are feeling safe chilling in their comfort zone. Into the safe relation, they got used to, even if they don’t want it.
They will try to have both the illusion of having “the safe exciting rides”
That never happens and we all know it.
They don’t have the courage to end this relation, so they choose to cheat as a kind of adding excitement to their life. I can cheat but no one has to know.
Me: Why not to stay alone from the start then. I would rather have no car than two, one could be unsafe and the other requires a lot of efforts and fixing.
Wise man: not everyone thinks the same, people choose to live in fake reality, hidden stories, and affairs, instead of coming clear and clean. Instead of ending it before it gets worse. You will always have two options, be free while not hurting anyone, or keep trying and end up hurting everyone around you.
That was the best way to explain cheating and its reasons from the a wise man point of view.
The question remains, what choice should you take?
Why cant we just enjoy and be happy with what we have?
Why cant the safe ride be also exciting?
Why do we hurt each other without even noticing it?
Why do we always want what we can’t have?
Many questions but i found out that the only relieving answer is
to be honest with yourself, to be happy with the choices you make,
to choose wisely and love truly, to focus on your own personal development and choices.
In another word just be happy with your safe car, enjoy it to the max or leave it. if you are really unhappy with it.
Don’t force yourself to stay with someone just because you have to. Do it because you want to, because it gives you the feeling of happiness, peacefulness, and excitement!
Thousand Lives 